


apologies in the form of i’m gay

by arqumentative



Series: swinging both ways (with a bat full of nails) [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: BI STEVE, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Making Out, im not proud of this, in a car!!, it’s definitely gonna be a bi steve series, it’s just me crying about steve being gay, i’m so sorry for the sins i have committed, life is a highway i’m gonna cry it all night long, steve harrington centric, steve harrington/billy hargrove - Freeform, stranger things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-28 19:48:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12614120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arqumentative/pseuds/arqumentative
Summary: i love bi steve harrington and there isn’t enough of it so i’m hopefully gonna make this a whole series of steve being bi in different contexts with different ships





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this first work is steve and billy being more soft like the emo shit and i know billy is a dick and i have a whole separate set of opinions on why i think this is cute and could write a thesis defending it but anyway here’s this

Steve was in no mood for Billy’s shit today. Not that he was ever in the mood, but today had started rough and ended rougher, and when he saw that horrid mullet bobbing towards him, he knew it was only going to get worse. 

“Hey, princess.” Billy smirked as he drew close to Steve, who was already halfway in his car. It’d been too much to hope that he could beat Billy out of the parking lot. 

“Hello, William.” 

Billy hated when Steve called him that, and so Steve loved it. 

“Don’t be a dick, Harrington,” the cigarette he’d been puffing fell from his lips and died beneath his heel, and another one was pulled from the pack as he added, “I just wanted to apologize.” 

The word apologize had potentially never escaped Billy Hargrove’s lips before, and Steve was more than shocked to hear it applied to him. It almost pissed him off. If Billy was the heartless psychopath that Steve thought he was, then it was okay to despise him for everything he’d put him through. But if he was gonna start having feelings, that was a whole different thing, and not a thing Steve was a fan of. 

“Apologize for what? I mean there’s plenty you could be apologizing for, but did you have any specific instance in mind? Maybe when you pushed me to the ground and got your tit sweat in my mouth, or maybe the weird shit you think is okay to say to me in the shower? Oh, no, I got it,” he stood up straight now, the memories of Billy’s fists on him bringing up anger he didn’t know he still had in him, “I bet it’s because you broke a fucking plate on my head and then beat me to hell and would’ve killed me if your sister didn’t nearly nail your micropenis to the floor with a bat. Is that it, Hargrove,” he shoved the larger boy, startling him, “am I getting anywhere fucking close?” 

Billy was, for the first time since Steve had known him, speechless. He was backed against the car parked beside Steve’s, the mirror digging into the small of his back. This wasn’t what he’d expected when he got up the courage to apologize, and he was gonna have to do some shit he’d regret if Steve didn’t back off and quit making a fucking scene. 

“Listen, Steve, if you don’t fucking cool it then I’m gonna have a hell of a lot more to apologize for. Can we maybe, uh, get out of here?” There was sweat trickling down his neck, and the look on Steve’s face immediately made him regret this. God, he was so fucking stupid. 

It was beyond out of character for Billy to be pulling shit like this in the school parking lot, which meant maybe it was important. And in Hawkins, important could mean life threatening monsters who live in tunnels beneath the ground that were put there by a shadow monster from another dimension. And even though the chances of this being some kind of weird ploy to get him alone so they could talk about monsters were tiny, Steve couldn’t risk it.  
“Get in the car, Hargrove.” 

“Oh no,” Billy said with a smirk, his confidence somewhat restored now that Steve was coming with him, “I don’t think so, King Steve. I’m driving.” 

They found themselves parked on the bank of a creek Steve had all but forgotten existed. He had faint memories of coming here in middle school, pressing a sweaty hand against a girls A-cup over her bra in the space between two trees. Why Hargrove had chosen here, he had no fucking clue. 

Steve hadn’t said a word on the ride, which scared the shit out of Billy, but then he remembered that he hadn’t said anything either. 

“So, about the other night.” 

There was no way to finish that sentence. The other night had been weird as hell, and there was no making up for what he’d done. He shouldn’t have done it in the first place, he shouldn’t have even had to be there. He’d fucked up massively, and though he’d paid for it in headaches and fear, Steve had to pay too, and even Billy could see that that was unfair. It wasn’t Steve’s fault that the only way Billy knew how to work things out was with blood and broken noses. 

“What about the other night?” Steve pushed, and Billy took a deep breath. 

“I just want to apologize. I know it wasn’t fair for me to take my shit out on you. I just had a lot of shit going on, and Max had been missing and then you were there and sometimes I just,” he ran his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath, “I just get real angry. I get real real angry, and I don’t know how to get it out if I can’t fucking hit something.”

Steve launched into his rant like a man possessed. 

“Jesus fucking hell I cannot believe this bullshit! You kidnap me from my car and drive me all the way out here just to tell me that sometimes you get real angry, like you’re the fucking hulk or some shit, like you couldn’t have done that in the parking lot? I mean it’s fine, I get it, I get angry too, and of course i’m not actually that mad at you because there is way too much important shit going on for me to get my undies in a twist about some dick with a mullet, but god, at least could you have done this in public? Are you gonna murder me? This doesn’t make any sense, you know that?” 

“Yeah,” Billy mumbled, “I know.” 

“Well then what the fuck, bro?” 

Billy didn’t really think he was gonna be able to do it. But when Steve looked at him like that, in the light filtering through the trees, he couldn’t help it. He leaned across the gap and pressed his mouth to Steve’s, praying the whole way there that this didn’t end in his death. Steve could ruin him for this, and he was honestly shocked at himself for being willing to risk it. But jesus, that boy had a hell of a mouth. 

A mouth that was, if Billy was not mistaken, kissing him back. 

Steve pulled away after a while, his hands reaching up to run through his hair. Somehow he felt that his hair had been mussed, that the kiss would have some kind of visible impact on his appearance. 

“Oh.” Steve murmured, unable to take his eyes off Billy’s mouth. 

“Good oh or you’re gonna kick my ass and tell everyone I’m a faggot oh?”

Steve responded by crossing the gap and kissing him, harder this time. 

“Maybe all the pent up anger you took out on me was just gay feelings.” Steve chuckled in between kisses, and Billy just pressed his mouth to Steve’s with more intensity. Something inside him knew Steve was right, and he also knew that he didn’t want to deal with that right now. Right now he wanted to kiss Steve in the car and be a teenager feeling teenager things. 

“Uh, William?” Steve said as he pulled away again, and Billy sighed. 

“What, princess?”

“The belt buckle is kind of totally digging into my hip like all hell.”

Billy laughed at Steve’s articulation of a feeling he knew all too well. And when Steve laughed at Billy’s laugh, that made Billy laugh even harder. Steve was so goddamn pretty. 

“You wanna maybe put a rain check on this then, find somewhere more comfy to smash faces together with affection?” Billy wasn’t as good at being a smartass as Steve was, but it was still somehow kind of cute. 

“That sounds like a good plan.” Steve was smiling like a dipshit, and he knew it. Something about that had felt good, better than it had in a long time. He felt like something inside him had settled, some piece he hadn’t known was out of place. 

They were halfway to the school before either of them spoke again. 

“Hey William?”  
“Yeah, princess?” 

“You’re still a dick.” 

“Yeah,” Billy smiled, shaking his head and turning up the soft music that had been playing since they’d left, “I know


	2. bruised (and a little broken)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> something is very very wrong with billy, and steve doesn’t know how to fix it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so this is more billy and i’ve come to find that i fucking love steve and billy so there’s probably gonna be a lot of that in this first work and also this is kind of gonna be a chronologically wack piece of work but hopefully i’ll get it together and be organized someday but yeah if anyone has things they want written for billy and steve hit me up bc i have 0 hobbies except this and need ideas

He liked the way Billy sounded when he said hello. Steve had never noticed that all the things he loved about girls were things he could love about boys, too. When Nancy had picked up the phone, she always sounded bright, like she’d picked up mid laugh. It was always easy to picture her in that moment, her bright eyes shining and lips curled up into a smile that was there because she was happy to hear from him. 

But Billy wasn’t like Nancy, not even a little bit. When his voice came through the phone it always seemed rusty, like he hadn’t spoken in a while, and without fail managed to sound confused. Not angry confused, like Billy was so prone to feeling, but interested confused, as though he was genuinely unsure why anyone would ask to talk to him. 

Something in the back of Steve’s head wondered about that, if Billy was unused to having people to talk to who cared about him, but only occasionally. Steve didn’t much like to think about who Billy became when they weren’t alone together. 

“Hello?” 

It was because he’d come to know what Billy sounded like so well that he also knew something was different tonight. He’d picked up too fast, for one thing. He knew Billy hated seeming too interested, even after they’d established that what they had was kind of exclusive, kind of a thing. They kinda sorta really liked each other. 

But it was much more than that. Billy said hello, and he didn’t sound confused or rusty or anything like normal. He sounded relieved. 

“Hey,” Steve asked immediately, concern in his voice, “what’s going on? Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” Billy said, almost cutting Steve off, “I’m fine. What’s up?”

He had been crying. Billy Hargrove had been crying. Steve had seen a lot in the last few months, parts of Billy he didn’t know existed, but he’d yet to see him cry. 

“Do you wanna come over? My dad went out of town and mom is at some makeup party in Persimmon Ridge.” 

“Yeah, jesus yeah, that’d be great. Give me like ten minutes to get my shit together and I’ll head that way.” 

“Cool.” Steve replied, but Billy was already gone. What in the name of hell was that about? 

He continued to worry about Billy until he arrived, at which point he began to worry more. 

Billy pulled into the driveway with a roar, which was completely unlike him. He always parked down the street, or sometimes on a different one, so that nobody would ever make a connection, see a pattern. That blue car was great evidence if anyone wanted to start making accusations, calling them out and effectively destroying them both. 

Billy didn’t even knock when he came in, the door swinging open and a familiar voice calling, “Steve?” 

Steve was not aware he could be any more worried than he was, but when he saw Billy standing there in the light coming in from the kitchen, his heart fell into his stomach. His lip was busted, and even though the rest of his face was okay, his unbuttoned shirt revealed a patchwork of blossoming bruises. Tear tracks were drying on his face, but at the sight of Steve, his eyes brimmed with fresh tears. 

“Oh, baby.” Steve murmured, coming in closer to Billy and putting a hand on his cheek. He only called Billy baby when his guard was down, and right now his guard was as down as it could possibly be. Even though Billy was less than an inch shorter than him, he seemed tiny in this moment, and all Steve wanted to do was hold him and make whatever was making him cry go away. 

“What happened to you?” Steve asked softly, afraid that speaking too loudly would somehow break Billy. He could tell from the way that Billy was tucking himself into Steve that whatever had hurt him scared him shitless. 

“Just a minute.” Billy mumbled into Steve’s collar, his arms wrapping around his waist and pulling himself closer into the safety and warmth of Steve Harrington. 

It was so rare that Billy wasn’t angry. It’s what kept him going, and if he stopped he’d die. Like sharks needed to swim, Billy had to be pissed. He had to have that rage inside him, rage against his father and this town and everything that had been taken from him, and everything he’d been given that he’d lost. When he stopped being angry and let himself just suffer, wallow in his pain, this happened. He cried for hours upon hours, forgetting everything except how much it hurt sometimes to just be alive. 

He hadn’t let anyone seen him cry since his mom left, and with Steve here now he wondered for a moment if he’d ever be able to stop, if his heart would shatter like a vase and all of his secrets would come tumbling out. But then he realized that Steve was petting his hair and whispering to him, not words, just the soft hum of a human voice. 

There was something about that hum that brought Billy back to earth, to Hawkins, to Steve Harrington’s living room and the ground beneath his feet and the aching in his ribs. He was going to be fine. Steve was here, and he was going to be fine. 

As much as Steve hated that Billy was hurting, he loved this. Billy had never been so soft, so vulnerable, and it was part of him that Steve was realizing he adored. He wanted to live in this warmth, wrapped around the boy who had bullied and teased him and was somehow becoming the light of his life. 

“You gonna be okay baby?” Steve asked softly, his breath tickling Billy’s earlobe in the best way. Billy took a shaky breath in, his tears starting to slow and his ability to focus coming back to him. He was surrounded by Steve’s smell, in Steve’s arms, and he was going to be okay. 

“I am gonna be okay, I think.” 

He wiped his eyes and pulled away just enough to look into Steve’s eyes. 

“Hey.” Steve smiled, brushing his thumb over Billy’s bottom lip. 

“Hey.” Billy replied, his voice steadying as he managed to pull it together a little. He was grateful that this wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, that tomorrow it seemed likely that they’d be able to pretend this hadn’t happened. 

Their mouths connected, and again Billy was flooded with the inexplicable peace that Steve always brought him. He felt about Steve’s mouth a way most people reserved for religion. Billy was better when he was with Steve, happier and calmer and hopeful, in a way. 

And then Steve’s hand came to rest on Billy’s bruised collarbone. The pained gasp that came from Billy ruined the peace of the moment, and Steve’s worry was refreshed. 

“You should sit down.” Steve said quickly as he pulled away, already racking his mind to think if they had any frozen peas. Someone had to take care of Billy, and if it wasn’t him there was a good chance it wouldn’t be anyone. 

“Is everything okay with your bones? Nothing’s broken, or in the wrong spot?” Steve called behind him, pulling the freezer open and rummaging in it for peas or ice or something that would hopefully bring Billy’s pain down to a bearable level. 

“My bones are fine, Harrington. It’s not a big deal.” 

He allowed himself no time between the extremes of his emotions. He was fine again. He’d had his moment, and it was time to get his fucking shit together. There was no time for him to be a fucking queer about his feelings. 

“Don’t do that.” Steve’s voice was soft, his frame nothing but a silhouette in the doorway backlit by the kitchen.   
“Do what?” Billy snapped, knowing exactly what Steve was talking about. 

Steve stayed quiet for a long time after that, not answering, which was unlike him. Billy also chose to say nothing as Steve pressed a bag of frozen veggies to his collarbone, which actually might have been broken, but Billy couldn’t worry Steve with that. After a good 40 seconds of silence, Billy felt like something had to be said. 

“Thanks, mom.” 

He didn’t like when Steve was quiet; it meant Steve was thinking, and that never seemed to end well for Billy. 

“This isn’t okay, you know that right?” Steve’s throat was tight, the feelings inside of him inexplicable. He hated what Billy dealt with more than he hated almost anything. 

“Oh, don’t do that. Come on Harrington, don’t talk to me like that.” 

It was more exasperated than angry. Billy knew Steve was right, but he didn’t want to talk about it right now, or ever. He’d had enough feeling for the night, and now he was gonna do what he was good at, which was making out with Steve Harrington to get him to shut the fuck up. 

“Talk to you like what?”

 

“Like i’m a wounded bird, or one of those kids you’re always around. I can handle my dad. Don’t even worry about it, okay?” At some point his hands had found their way onto Steve’s hips, and he smirked as the ice slipped from his collarbone and onto the couch. 

Steve just wanted Billy to be happy. He didn’t push to talk as Billy began running his tongue over Steve’s neck, pressing wet kisses to the places he knew made Steve shiver. He didn’t ask about the winces that Billy let out even when he wasn’t being touched, and he didn’t insist that Billy stop being ridiculous and take Steve’s dick out of his mouth and get some rest, even though he wanted so badly to do just that. 

Billy pulled out of the driveway minutes before Steve’s mom got home, which was truly just dumb luck. He’d left with a soft kiss to the temple and promises that he’d call tomorrow, which Steve was sure he wouldn’t. Billy never called, but that was okay. Steve would call him tomorrow, and they’d be back to normal, pretending that it never happened. 

Pretending Steve didn’t know that Billy Hargrove was broken.


End file.
